The Freaks Come Out at Night

In recent years, our country has fallen victim to shady clown activity. Clowns! Various clown sightings throughout the country have raised many questions like “What is that clown doing?” and “Am I hallucinating?” and “Why is that clown looking at me like that?”

Countless reports have been sent to police, resulting in goose eggs so there is a lot of speculation over if these clowns really exist.

There also doesn’t seem to be consistency amongst the clowns. From white overalls and red hair to all black everything to regularly dressed people wearing clown masks, they have come in all shapes, sizes, and colors.

Many of the sightings have only involved people having staring contests with clowns, but like unwarranted staring contests where the clowns stare deep into their souls without them wanting to stare back. Sources say that this is considered to be “creepy.”

Other sightings have actually been haunting. In North and South Carolina, clowns have been found attempting to lure children into the woods with treats and money. In Mississipi, a clown was found walking around with what looked like a machete. There were reports of three clown friends with multicolored wigs jumping out from behind bushes to scare people in Maryland towns.

The clown epidemic hasn’t been limited to in-person problems. The clowns have been attacking from cyber-space too. Mysterious clown accounts have been circulating on social media. These accounts haven’t represented funny birthday clowns either. They’ve made threats, resulting in school lockdowns. In Alabama, two students were arrested for making a Facebook account named ClappyAndslappy DaClown and posting a five-minute video that threatened Troy citizens.

Finally, let’s talk about the recent Pennsylvania clowns. A sophomore in High School was stabbed by a clown mask-wearing person in Reading, PA. 8 different reports in York, PA were made, saying their were clowns in the area on September 24th, and on the 26th, a tip was made that there were clowns riding in a car armed with weapons. The police found nothing. Lastly in Pottstown, PA, a group of girls was chased by a multiple screaming clowns.

Rumors have swirled around State College that clowns have been popping up late at night and early in the morning, scaring the heebie-jeebies out of people. Sadly, these aren’t the only weird people that have been found in the downtown area at peculiar times of the night. A man dressed in black with latex gloves has been known to follow people, specifically noticeably drunk women, late at night. Yikes.

There has not been much to come out of any of these brushes with clowns, but peace of mind and sleep have diminished in many towns that have fallen victim to these occurrences. Even if these sightings haven’t been connected, it’s very understandable to fear local clowns and weird people. Hopefully these idiots are like Cicadas, unnerving on the outside, but harmless in reality.

To the clowns and shady people at night, find a hobby. You will not get away with this. Stop being weird. To anyone in State College, report any unusual activity you see in the area and travel in packs.